Orgasm Definitions

Standing in the shower this morning, reflecting on last night’s marathon boinkfest, I thought about the word “orgasm.” Then, I started thinking about word games.

Here we go. Some letters don’t work.

Boregasm: getting off while bored. Your lady is lying on her back, staring at the ceiling while you’re giving it to her and she says, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the room beige.”

Contractorgasm: Sex with a builder.

Corpsgasm: sex with a Marine.

Corridorgasm: Sex up against the wall in the hallway.

Choregasm: Having sex because you think you should, not ‘cause you want to.

Diorgasm: Pulling up her pretty designer dress and porking her.

Eeyoregasm: Sex when you’re depressed and moping around like Eeyore the stuffed donkey in the Winnie the Pooh books.

Foregasm: Sex while playing golf.

Floorgasm: Sex on the floor.

Goregasm: What Al and Tipper have.

Hoargasm: Sex in a frosty morning field. (It’s called hoarfrost, guys.)

Igorgasm: Sex with Marty Feldman’s character in “Young Frankenstein.”

Litigatorgasm: Fucking a lawyer.

Moregasm: What you hope your partner is thinking while you’re doing her.

Norgasm: When neither you nor she get off.

Oargasm: Sex in a canoe.

Oregasm: Sex in a mineshaft.

Poorgasm: An inferior quality orgasm. I’m not sure that exists.

Poregasm: In the south, if it’s beyond poor, it’s PORE.

Roargasm: Make her get down on all fours and act like a lion.

Realtorgasm: Getting laid in a house that’s being sold by a realtor during an open house.

Shoregasm: Sex on the beach.

S’moregasm: Putting chocolate and marshmallow on your lady’s fun parts and licking it off. Forget the graham cracker.

Snoregasm: Getting head while sleeping.

Soargasm: A reach-around in a two person glider. Both of you are holding a control rod.

Storegasm: Banging your partner in the Walmart bathroom.

Toregasm: Being so big that you make her bleed.

Torreadorgasm: Sex with a bullfighter.

Victorgasm: Sex with a guy named Victor.

Wargasm: Sex while in combat. Gives the term “foxhole” a whole new meaning.

Whoregasm: When you’re so good the hooker gets off.

Yourgasm: The one YOU have.

Zorrogasm: Sex with Zorro. Weak, but I couldn’t think of a Z word. Sue me.

Clever men can be Great Lovers.